my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
