I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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