I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
