I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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