i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
