So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
