Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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