she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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