Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
