I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
