woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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