hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
