I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I forgot how hot balto sounded
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
