Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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