U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I deserve this hangover.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
