maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
