Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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