I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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