i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
