after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
