Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
