duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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