do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
There's even glitter on my cock...
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