so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
