So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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