his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
