He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
