the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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