We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
