We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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