those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize