Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
