If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
