So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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