I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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