The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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