saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have demons in me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
