I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
