I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
