five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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