You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
