My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize