She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
