I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize