4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think my vagina is haunted
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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