Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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