idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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