Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
