It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
