I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
