You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
