Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
