the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
