We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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