I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
