Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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