I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
