I just pynch a tree in the face
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
