I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
