Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
