That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
