Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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