Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
