we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
