Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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