I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
