I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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