Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
