We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
