Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
