We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
there's paper in my vomit.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Congratulations! We have a period
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