Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
