His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize