Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
