I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
